This entry is dedicated to all the new moms who say that the first month was and is a blur, because it truly is. I write this entry at 6 weeks and if I do not do this now I will surely forget.
Upon the day of discharge, I remember procrastinating leaving the hospital. I literally did not want to leave. I was scared to go home and be a mom to be really honest. I had no 24 hr. nursing care, I had no bed side assist- just me, my husband, and baby Jack.
Luckily –My mother in law came to save the day. Thankfully she was scheduled to stay with us for the first month. So I knew I had some motherly help. I was comforted to know she would help me with the mommy 101’s, but I was still scared. I remember leaving Cedars in the new family car, new car seat- everything literally everything was NEW. We jumped in the car, jack in his car seat. I remember thinking, “Oh my god, is he breathing under the car seat belt?”. As my husband drove away from the hospital, Drake’s new song “For Free” was on, it was the first time I heard it. We pulled up to the house, I had my husband and the baby stay in the car. I took the baby cap and hospital blanket off the car seat from the baby to go in first, and let Toro, my dog, smell Jack’s scent. Toro was excited to see his mommy after a few days being away, he sniffed the items, and soon after met his new friend- baby Jack.
I got the house situated. I was happy but petrified. I breast fed Jack for the first time and soon got into my routine. Much of the first hours and days were a blur, but what I remember was all three of us, Ryan’s mother, Ryan, and myself sleep deprived, but working as a team. We pulled all-nighters, and sometimes all day-ers. I felt like Jack was never going to sleep. We went to our post OBGYN and Pediatrician appointments where we were consoled that “This is normal”, but man, I felt like my life was far from normal. It was as if I woke up and shed my previous life. This is literally how it felt, and today still feels like I woke up a new person with an entire new life.
The first 4 weeks were filled with wonderful friends and family coming over with food, and more presents. I felt so blessed to have such thoughtful friends. We drank wine, and I tried to get back into a groove. There were so many mixed emotions. I will say this… many many many tears, tears of joy, tears of confusion, and more importantly exhaustion.
Jack was born at 6 lbs. 12 oz., so much of our concern was to get that weight up. I pumped, breastfed, and supplemented all at the same time. The time that goes into breastfeeding was harder than labor. If Jack did not take to the breast, I pumped, and saved. I pumped every 2 hours. I saw on the internet many women dumping volumes of milk into bottles. Not me! I had to massage, heat pack, meditate, consume Thistle, vitamins- you name it to get milk. It came but not pouring! None the less Jack was growing.
I was of course- nowhere near what was considered the maternity-leave norm, especially after, what happened to me in my third trimester while at work- that is partnerless at my PR agency, and trying to keep my business together. I was still taking meetings, conference calls, answering emails, and managing staff the minute I went into the O.R. to returning home. I had to maintain a few PR events for a few minutes to 1-2 hours within a day. Some say I was completely crazy doing this post cesarean and with a newborn, but I had to make it work. My mother in law helped watch Jack, and Ryan stayed with the baby. I could not have been able to take care of job needs without them
The first month goes by quickly, but it is vital to take those four weeks in and fill them up with memories. I know now why every mother tells me- “it goes quickly so enjoy it.” Every little moment with Jack was and is magical. His little body, changing his diapers, trying on new clothes, working through all the baby registry essentials, and figuring out that sleep/eat schedule. All the frustrations and joy is worth it. I would not change one thing during the newborn month. It changed me as a person. Nothing matters more than my son.
A few of my favorite moments that happened in the first 4 weeks were:
- Jack- Him hearing my voice, rocking him, snuggling with him, and putting him to sleep. I remember him lying next to my bed in the bassinet, and I was so scared to sleep because I wanted to watch him breathe. I remember asking myself- will I ever sleep soundly again.
- My family visiting: My parents coming with food and plastic utensils every Sunday. The utensils were to cut down cleaning. My parents were one of my most favorite parts of the first month. The way they lit up with Jack, took photos, admired youth, god it was beautiful. It to me was and is the essence of circle of life. My sister, Jack’s god mother was just wonderful. She was so involved, helpful, and the perfect aunt to my son. My family by far made me love being a mom more.
- The Newborn Shoot: Another favorite moment was Jack’s newborn shoot. Oddly the first photographer I wanted never showed for the shoot due to nausea, as she too was pregnant. She referred me to Alissa Noelle. This today is my monthly photographer. I remember being so afraid Jack would just cry and yell through the shoot, but he was perfect just like the photos.
- Friendly visits: as I said it before, my best friends poured in. They poured in with advice, food, and love. I remember two fellow mommy friends Michelle & Noelia popped in from their mommy busy schedules. They made me feel so much better, and really helped.
- The first shower- I literally took a 60-minute shower when I came home from the hospital. The way I felt after, well there are no words to describe it. I just felt like a new person.
- His first bath- I was so nervous, but Jack loved it. I had this huge sunflower bathing unit that fits in the sink. Once again, the team, Ryan’s mother, Ryan and I worked as one to wash him, rinse him, and dry him. It was funny.
- The love- There was so much love around me. Many friends poured in with text messages, and phone calls wishing good thoughts and congrats. I loved my big sister checking up on me. Our friendship and sisterhood is stronger today as mothers.
